K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
