then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
