this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
