You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
