Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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