I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She bit a glass in half.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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