THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Less talking, more tequila
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
