they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
