I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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