I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
