my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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