I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
