Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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