I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
