i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
