Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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