If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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