Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
