i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
