I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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