I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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