Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I party with great urgency now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
