You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
