in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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