finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
