I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
