Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
