we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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