The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
