Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
