I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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