So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude. I can hear the air.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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