do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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