i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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