my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
