I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
