So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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