I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
