I cockslap morals
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
