what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
