apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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