Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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