I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
