That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
