Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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