Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
