Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
