my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I stole a fireplace last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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