My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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