I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have post one night stand depression
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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