38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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